four 'earth orbits (years) after my birth here i was inducted into a school which was not presented to me as being religious - yet every day we were essentially pressured and forced to sing christian 'hymns' - mostly twice a day.
these rituals were one of the least pleasant parts of my school days for many reasons and the complexity of what occurred there continues to be revealed to me as i ask deeper and deeper questions.
i recall that early into my schooling there, i was presented for the first time with the christian 'nativity' story - where 3 wise men were guided to the newly born jesus (presented as 'the son of god' and not 'a son of god'). as i recall i was informed that his mother was a virgin and his birth was miraculous in that sense - clearly showing that he was the chosen one, the one who god had sent to save us lesser beings. i also recall that this was the moment that i began a systematic shut-down of my true feelings. my true feelings KNEW we were all one - that there is no separation, that god IS all of us - yet i did not have words for this and i thought i was being taught something new by these 'christian' teachings, something that was more important than my felt truth - after-all, how could such a giant association as the christian church exist and be so totally wrong and how could it be that my own feelings were more in alignment with reality than all these other people? even though i had watched the documentaries about world war 2 and the horrors of the nazis at that age and realised this planet was seriously imbalanced, i still did not fully allow cognition that the religious visions were also wildly incorrect and out of balance and actually also part of the collective programming that overpowers the personal will in favor of rules, regulations, ideas and dogmas.
what i had felt to some extent to that moment was love. i had felt the joy that love brings and the acceptance of myself that is needed and that signifies a direct connection to the unconditionally loving light that many still label 'god' as if their own will and body do not count in that equation and somehow the light is 'better' than the rest of them/us. after that moment i felt betrayal, confusion, hatred, imbalance and fear - fear that nearly every human was to some extent insane and brainwashed and was convinced that this brainwashing was 'the right thing to do'. realising this 'so young' automatically placed me as being more enlightened than a high percentage of the people on the planet and certainly than the ones involved with teaching me. this caused me many challenges and i know i am not alone - in truth we all have suffered in a similar way to some extent, in our own way.
understandably this sudden imposition into my spiritual reality caused anger in me and yet i was also being shown that 'anger is bad', 'anger is the cause of war' and so on. 'be as we say god says you are to be and don't struggle'. one day one of the boys in my class was physically lifted out of his seat and labeled a 'trouble maker' as he was upset and crying and angry at being forced to sit down at a tiny uncomfortable wooden desk for hours in a row - this further reinforced the idea that 'anger will get me into trouble'. the real truth is that anger, when expressed without judgment and when it is lovingly accepted as necessary and needed, will guide us to our right place. my right place was not that classroom - yet i did not allow my anger to guide me away - i was too afraid that my other options would get progressively worse as i was passed through school to school and perhaps to some kind of government center for 'trouble makers' ('borstels' as they are called in the area commonly known as england).
so instead of allowing free will to lovingly create a new reality path for me, i put up with the repetitive conditioning of confused and non-sensicle christian hymns and prayers and did my best not to let them twist me any more than they already were - yet that was not so simple, since every time i chose to 'go along with it' and not seek my true destiny i further suppressed my true feelings and this gradually weakened my essence more and more until i was just apathetic and could barely keep my eyes open in classes. like a polar bear in a zoo that just sits and rocks back and forward, i became a class joker to desperately attempt to bring the joy back - yet without the light of actual truth and free emotional expression, the jokes were only a mask and band-aid.
now i have learned so much more about what was really occurring that i recognise the christian dogmas for what they are - they contain truth, significant and valuable truth; yet they are twisted and distorted to such an extent that they actually become potentially dangerous since they take the purity we are born with and imprint a broken version of reality onto god's creation and then claim it is 'god's will'.
as confusing as this is, the essential reality is that 'god has exploded into an infinite exploration of god and this has included some parts not knowing that god is god and so they then seek to find god and have thought that god is not 'all that is' and that only parts of 'all that is' are god and thus some parts of god have been dominating other parts of god that do not see themselves as god and also have been attempting to make that domination happen when god is still exploring being an innocent child'. confusing? it is until you know the truth.
unfortunately the resulting image that this has painted is not pretty. the image is literally that the christian (and other) religious dogma is actually closer to being 'anti-christ' than 'holy' and by now this is more than obvious by the way the 'catholic' church is essentially being shut down in response to aeons of child abuse and genocide across the planet and by the way that so many wars are launched by supposedly christian countries in the name of creating peace. i appreciate that this blood lust is not overtly present in the majority of church going beings, yet that is what the infrastructure has been supporting both behind closed doors and out in the open, for many, many years and in many (often denied) ways.
if you still want to say 'oh, no you are quite wrong because... x, y, z reason'.. consider this:
the reality is that these patterns are part of a complex spiritual control grid of unloving light that seeks to prevent the truth and love from permeating the living being of this planet because if we are free, enlightened and loving we cannot be dominated and that ends the 'game' of enslavement that the various hierarchies have been 'playing' for thousands of earth orbits.
many advised me not to speak about this for a variety of reasons because they feel threatened in a variety of ways, yet i will not be silenced, for that too would negate my own destiny - which is the destiny of true soul filled loving enlightenment - the type of enlightenment that does not turn away from truth and assisting others for fear of going against the grain of society.
for more information on this and related topics, you may be served to view 'unrepentant' a documentary about the alleged genocides of the catholic church in canada:
may unconditional love and new heart be born.